My dad bought a set of plastic toy rings for the girls. We were there on Saturday and Abby fell in love with a silver ring that has a pink “stone”. She wore it all weekend, she didn’t take it off. When we were leaving yesterday afternoon to go to Downtown Disney, we had the following conversation:
“Daddy, when I’m gone you can look at the pink part of this ring and see me. You can see what I’m doing, and when you look at it you’ll know how much I love you.” She said.
“Like the magic mirror from Beauty and the Beast?” I asked.
“Yeah! So even when I’m at Mama’s you can see me whenever you think about me.” She replied.
When she goes to her mothers on Monday, I tell her that I love her, and that I’ll miss her. We talk about how she’ll come back on Thursday, and how that’s only a few days, and she’s always very positive. I try to stay positive, too, because it’s not her job to take care of my sad feelings. At the same time, I need her to know that when she’s not with me, I am not whole. Loving people rips you to shreds, a piece of your heart travels with them, and a piece of theirs travels with you. EE Cummings was right.
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it
That’s the price you pay for being open to love, and it’s also the reward. I’m glad that Abby knows that I miss her, and think about her, and love her, when she’s not with me. I’m glad that I can’t be entirely whole without her.
Last night at bed time she said, “Daddy, don’t leave me.” and I said, “Oh darling, I could never leave you. I’m your daddy. Even when I have to be away from you, I’m not gone. I’ll always come back to you.” She smiled, and hugged me, and said “Because you’re my daddy?” and I said “Yes. And because I love you.” She knows it, I know she does, but I’ll never stop telling her either. If there’s a topic that I want to stay “On message” with, it’s my love and commitment to her and her sister.
When we got up this morning and were getting ready to leave for her moms, she stopped in front of the door. I looked down to see her working her ring off of her finger with those tiny, pink tipped hands of hers. She reached up and placed it in my hand.
“There daddy. Now you can watch me while you’re at work.” she said, smiling.
I was surprised she’d remembered. Dropping the ring on the counter wasn’t an option. It went into my pocket, where it will probably stay for the rest of the week.